“Good morning baby girl.” That’s how I start my morning every day. I don’t know how else to start it. I don’t know how many times a day that I talk to Faith during the day (out-loud or in my head); many more than I can count. I can’t help but think constantly of what we would be doing if Faith were here with us…where would we be, we’d be holding her, changing her, playing with her, etc…
When I see other children, especially little girls, I can’t help but have a tug at my heart. They are all so beautiful. They are such a blessing, a gift from God. Please love and care for your children. God has given you the most precious gift.
While I understand that many many people love and care for their child/children, what I’ve been through makes me see life in such a new way. Life on this earth is relatively short. If you live into your 70’s, that is still pretty short. Tell your loved ones that you love them, today. You may not have the chance tomorrow.
While out to eat the other day, there was a couple with a small baby boy and the waitress asked them his age. Their response was that he is a week old. I was pondering this short conversation today and realized that their response was “normal”, but for me, that is not a correct response. Actually, we are all older than we say we are, depending on how long our mother carried us in her womb. Although even with today’s technology, we still cannot pinpoint the precise point of conception, it is at that time, or from our calculation of that time, that life begins. Faith was 24 weeks and 2 days old, period.
I know without a doubt that Faith knew and knows that I love her with all of my heart. However, she is not here for me to tell, not here for me to hold. I truly enjoyed being pregnant with Faith. Ultra-sounds were amazing. She always moved around so much when we went in for them. She also smiled and waved to us. Although she is not here with me now, I did get to have the time that I had with her and for that, I am thankful. Once she grew big enough for me to feel, I felt the love in every move and kick. To date, giving Faith life has been one of the most amazing parts of my life.
As time has gone by, I have to be honest with myself. I no longer wake up every morning and say “good morning baby girl” to Faith. Since Joy has been born, I start my day by taking care of her and getting on with my daily tasks. Re-reading this post has made me remember where I was at this time and how I have grown as the days have gone by.
Remembering & Time
I no longer think about Faith all day, every day, like I did when she died. This is a harsh reality, yet makes me realize the way we were created. God placed inside of us the capability to go into shock when we go through a dramatizing event such as the loss of a child. He also put us in time and allowed time to heal us in certain areas and ways.
I do not believe that time heals all things, but I have experienced the soothing comfort and healing balm of The Lord as time has progressed. The strong sharp pain does still creep up on me every once in awhile. But for the most part, there is a dull ache, a longing in my heart, and a love in my heart for Faith that resides and will always remain until we meet again in Heaven.