3 Months

It was 3 months ago today that Faith was born and went home to be with The Lord.  Although I think of her almost constantly daily, the 15th of the month is different for me.  Off and on throughout today I have looked at my watch and thought of where I was and what was happening 3 months ago at that time.  
I frequently replay what happened that morning in my head.  It is as fresh as if it happened yesterday.  It may always be that way.  I do not know.    I am not really sure how to describe how I feel most days.  It is almost as if I wake up every day, feeling as though she left the day before.  
I’ve read from a lot of bereaved mothers on Facebook groups, blogs, etc, that talk about their grief and pain regarding their loss(es).  The loss of Faith is relatively new to me, so it is difficult to compare to someone who experienced a loss years ago.  However, one thing that I have continued to hear is that it doesn’t get easier, you just learn to cope or live in a “new normal”.  
In the past few months, I can attest to that fact being accurate.  I can tell that it is getting easier for me to live with (as if I have a choice), sometimes…on the total opposite side of that coin, each day that passes is one more day that I have gone without my daughter, one more day of wondering what we’d be doing if she were here, one more day of remembering, one more day of crying, one more day of heart ache, one more day…
With each day that passes, I love my daughter, my Faith Melody, so much more than the day before.  It is interesting to me how “they” say that time heals all wounds.  I have news for “them”, they are wrong.  It seems to me to be the complete opposite for me.  With each passing day, this hole in my heart grows as I miss more of what I would be doing with my daughter.
I miss and love you with all my heart, my Faith Melody.

2 thoughts on “3 Months

  1. While I have no possible way of comprehending the pain you are going through I want you to know my heartgoes out to you. I can't imagined my life without Michael in it. I'm sorry for your loss and I will continue to pray for you. Try to take solace that you know Faith is in the arms of The Lord. I know that is hard since you would rather have her in your arms but at least you know she is in a peaceful place. You are my fourth niece to have lost a baby this way and it is not easy for anyone but your willingness to share your journey will help others on theirs. Keep up the blog it is very therapeutic. I wish I was closer so I could hug you and talk with you. If you ever need anything don't hesitate to contact me. Love, aunt Kelly

  2. Big hugs hun.
    I'v just reached 3 months since I gave birth to Aria and all day I've been replaying in my head what had been happening in the delivery suite up until the point I gave birth to her. It's surreal being able to relive every moment, it's so detailed and the heartbreak doesn't lessen.
    Dealing with this on top of the fact that it's her older angel brothers due date in a few weeks and then her due date shorlty after his is just getting to be a bit too much.

    So much heartache from having empty arms.

    I am truly sorry you've lost your beautiful daughter.
    I wish I could do something to change all the pain you, along with the rest of us mummys feel.

    xoxo

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