Capture Your Grief – Day 3 – Before

Today’s Capture Your Grief topic is Before. Here is a picture of me while I was pregnant with Faith.  This is before she went to Heaven.  I think about myself Before she came into our lives and left and I am intrigued.  

In once sense I am the same person, but at the same time, I will, of course, never be the same person. I look at the world so differently now.  Life is so precious and so many things simply do not matter.  
Before Faith left us, I wore rose-colored glasses when I viewed the world. I don’t think losing a child like that ever even crossed my mind and I certainly didn’t think it was something that would happen to me.

Before Faith died, I never yelled at my Father before and got more real with Him than I am today, but if I can’t be real with my Father, who can I be real with?  It’s not as if He doesn’t know how I feel anyway.  To be this real with Him has been a brand new experience for me.  Honestly, one that has been difficult, frustrating, aggravating, loud, but at the same time, cleansing, loving, healing, and rejuvenating.  

Even though I think of how I was Before Faith came and went from us, I will now turn my focus of this post to the most important Before:
Jeremiah 1:5 (AMP) says this: Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
I choose to focus on God knowing Faith before He formed her in my womb, as my Before.  While I miss her beyond words, I know that one day I will be with her again.  I know that just as He knew me before I was knitted together in my mother’s womb, He also knew Faith, before she was knitted together in my womb.  
While it is difficult to look beyond what I know now, and beyond the pain of my loss, I choose to focus on the BEFORE that matters, the time BEFORE she was knitted in my womb, when He originally knew Faith.

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