Before Faith died, I never yelled at my Father before and got more real with Him than I am today, but if I can’t be real with my Father, who can I be real with? It’s not as if He doesn’t know how I feel anyway. To be this real with Him has been a brand new experience for me. Honestly, one that has been difficult, frustrating, aggravating, loud, but at the same time, cleansing, loving, healing, and rejuvenating.
Today’s Capture Your Grief topic is Before. Here is a picture of me while I was pregnant with Faith. This is before she went to Heaven. I think about myself Before she came into our lives and left and I am intrigued.
In once sense I am the same person, but at the same time, I will, of course, never be the same person. I look at the world so differently now. Life is so precious and so many things simply do not matter.
Before Faith left us, I wore rose-colored glasses when I viewed the world. I don’t think losing a child like that ever even crossed my mind and I certainly didn’t think it was something that would happen to me.
Even though I think of how I was Before Faith came and went from us, I will now turn my focus of this post to the most important Before:
Jeremiah 1:5 (AMP) says this: Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
I choose to focus on God knowing Faith before He formed her in my womb, as my Before. While I miss her beyond words, I know that one day I will be with her again. I know that just as He knew me before I was knitted together in my mother’s womb, He also knew Faith, before she was knitted together in my womb.
While it is difficult to look beyond what I know now, and beyond the pain of my loss, I choose to focus on the BEFORE that matters, the time BEFORE she was knitted in my womb, when He originally knew Faith.