As I was playing with Joy the other day and as Faith’s second birthday approaches, I was thinking of the person I have become since Faith died. I can speculate all day about the type of parent I would have been if they both were here, but that is not the case. At the end of the day, I miss Faith so very much. But I know in my heart that having her for the short time that I did, has made me a better person all around and for sure a better parent to Joy. I can’t count the number of times I kiss her and tell her that I love her in a day. Most of the time, I walk in a pretty good amount of patience.
Do not get me wrong. In no way am I saying that others with children who haven’t lost a child love their children any less. I am simply stating that I believe I love and mother Joy differently and better than I would have if it would not have been for Faith.
One might say that since Faith is not here with us, I am able to share the love I have for her with Joy, loving Joy “doubly”. I believe this is the case. I can only love Faith in my heart, so I believe it is her gift to Joy have that special love expressed from me since Faith cannot be here with us now.
All in all, I truly believe that I am a better mother to Joy because of Faith. I love and miss Faith more and more with each passing day and will continue to do so. I know in my heart that this missing and loving Faith, helps me to be a better mommy to them both and a better mother to Joy than I would have been without Faith.