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I will always have a Faith-Shaped hole in my heart. For those of you who have lost a child(ren), you know what I mean. For those of you who haven’t, please allow me to explain.
Earlier this evening, my husband, our daughter Joy, and I were hanging out in the bedroom watching a Christmas movie. We talked about Faith and how she would be laying right next to Joy in the bed with us if she were here. It was a very difficult moment for both of us.
I know we will always have a Faith-shaped hole in our hearts as long as we live. Missing Faith makes me realize how much I get caught up in life and get concerned about some things that simply don’t matter. Family matters, friends matter, kindness matters, helping others matters, sharing His love matters. A lot of things are necessary for this life, but they simply don’t really matter in the long scheme of things.
Reaching Out Matters
For me, reaching out to others about pregnancy/infant/child loss matters very much. I know that I need to use the Faith-shaped hole in my heart to help others who may be going through such a loss. A loss is not easy, but having others who have experienced similar makes you know that you are not alone. I hope to be this help to others experiencing the loss of an infant.
As we quickly approach the holiday season, I know it is especially difficult for those going through loss. We found out I was pregnant with Faith the day before Thanksgiving in 2013. Thanksgiving is forever changed for me, but will always remain a favorite holiday for me. As I look toward our bright future, I will forever hold my Faith-shaped hole in my heart.
2017 Holiday Season Missing Faith
I am doing some editing and wanted to update this post. As we are now moving along into the holiday season for 2017, I stop to think about what Faith would be like if she were here with us today. She would be over 3 1/2 years old now. I am certain she would be a wonderful big sister to Joy (and Hope on the way). As time has gone by since Faith died, I have had a roller-coaster of emotions and feelings (to say the least).
I have been truly blessed with Joy and now Hope, who I will be 29 weeks pregnant with on Thursday. If there were an opportunity for me to change one thing in my life, it would be to have Faith here with us and have all 3 of our daughters here. I know that is not possible, but oh how my heart longs for the day when we will meet again. I know Faith will meet me when I cross over into Heaven. She brought so much love and joy into our lives in the short time we had her. For that, I am forever thankful. She made me a mother.
Sharing Faith with Her Sisters & the World
I am looking forward to sharing about Faith with Joy and Hope someday when they are old enough to understand. I know they will love her very much and look forward to meeting her too. Faith has given me so many wonderful things in her short time with us. I truly believe I am a better mother to her sisters now than I would have been without her.
Although I have gone through devastating pain in losing her, I have met some wonderful women from across the world who have also lost their precious child(ren). Losing Faith has also given me the opportunity to share about pregnancy and infant child loss. In a society where this topic is still fairly taboo for some reason, I can reach out to those who have been through similar loss(es) as well as those going through pregnancy after loss.
I have often wondered if I knew in advance that I was going to lose Faith, would I still do it all over again. For me, this answer is a clear YES. I am a better person for knowing her and she has never encountered pain. I don’t have to wonder where she is. I know where she is and Who she is with. She cleared the way for her two younger sisters to enter this world.
Faith has impacted the world in such a big way, and I pray that her story, through me, will continue to do so for many years to come. If we can save lives of other precious children and lead others to The Lord through Faith’s death, then she will not have died in vain.
We love and miss you so much baby girl. XO